Big Feelings: Helping Your Child Manage Emotions

Who this program is for

• Children who go from calm to overwhelmed in a heartbeat
• Little ones who struggle to put a feeling into words
• Children who cry, rage or withdraw when upset and just can’t settle
• Children who hit, throw or lash out when a feeling gets too big — start with what to do when a child hits or bites
• Families where one hard moment can set the tone for the whole day
• Families who want to help without dismissing it or over-worrying
• Parents keen to raise an emotionally confident, resilient child

Your step-by-step roadmap

Move at your child’s pace, not the calendar’s — the “weeks” are just a gentle order, not a race. Feel free to repeat any stage for as long as it’s helping.

1. Week 1 — Name the feeling

   Give emotions simple words.
   • Say your child’s feeling out loud for them — “You look really cross right now.”
   • Name your own feelings too, so they see it’s a normal thing to have them.
   • Use a little chart of faces so your child can point to how they feel.
   • Aim for four or five feeling words to start with: happy, sad, cross, scared, tired.

   Try this: Naming a feeling helps to tame it — the words give a big emotion somewhere to go. Our free printable feelings chart saves you drawing the faces yourself.

   Mark week done

2. Week 2 — Feelings are allowed

   Accept the feeling, guide the behaviour.
   • Let your child know every feeling is okay, even the uncomfortable ones.
   • Split the feeling from the action — “It’s okay to be angry, it’s not okay to hit.”
   • Try not to rush in to fix it or wave it away — sometimes being heard is enough.
   • Skip the “but” — “You’re sad, but it’s only a toy” undoes the bit that helped.

   Try this: You can accept the feeling and still hold the boundary — both are true at once.

   Mark week done

3. Week 3 — Calm together

   Co-regulate before you expect self-control.
   • Stay close and keep your voice soft when your child is overwhelmed.
   • Breathe slowly beside them — your steady body helps settle theirs.
   • Cut your words right down at the peak; long explanations land later, not now.
   • Set up a comfort spot with a soft toy or blanket where they can wind down.

   Try this: A child borrows your calm long before they can find their own — so regulate together first.

   Mark week done

4. Week 4 — A calm-down toolkit

   Build simple ways to settle.
   • Teach one easy breathing game — blowing out slowly, as if cooling a hot bowl of soup.
   • Practise the tools when your child is calm, not only when they’re upset.
   • Give the feeling somewhere physical to go — ten jumps, a run outside, squeezing a cushion.
   • Make a little “calm box” together, filled with things that soothe them.

   Try this: Practise the calm-down tools in the sunshine, so they’re ready for the storm. Our printable calm-down card puts the steps in pictures for the calm box.

   Mark week done

5. Week 5 — Talk it through

   Reflect together once calm returns.
   • After a hard moment, once everyone’s settled, gently talk over what happened.
   • Wonder together about what might help next time, with no blame in it.
   • Praise your child for any small step they took to calm themselves.

   Try this: Teach after the storm, never during it — a calm brain is the only one that can take it in.

   Mark week done

6. Week 6 — Plan for the hard moments

   Spot the triggers before they arrive.
   • Jot down the last three upsets — the time of day, what came just before, who was there.
   • Pick the pattern that repeats most and change one thing: an earlier snack, an earlier bedtime, a shorter trip.
   • Give a warning before every ending — “Two more turns, then we go.”
   • Say the plan out loud in advance — “Leaving the park is hard. We will wave and say bye-bye park.”

   Try this: Write down three upsets and the pattern usually appears — hunger, tiredness and endings cause more of them than anything else. If noise, crowds or scratchy clothing keep showing up instead, our calm-body sensory program works on that side of it.

   Mark week done

Little tricks that make it work

• Steady yourself first — you can’t pour calm from an empty cup.
• Get down low and make gentle eye contact when your child is upset.
• Skip “don’t cry” and “you’re fine”; name the feeling instead.
• Read stories about feelings together to build up their emotion words.
• Notice and praise the calm choices, however small.
• Protect sleep and snacks — a tired, hungry child has almost nothing left to cope with.
• Keep one routine the same every day; predictability takes the edge off big feelings, and a simple visual schedule lets your child see what is coming instead of only being told.
• Remember these skills take years to grow — go gently on your child, and on yourself.